MemberDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
One of my 3 roommates just got her concealed carry permit and will soon have a gun in our apartment. She’s the most responsible person I know and I definitely trust her to store it safely BUT I have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts and I’m worried that if things got really bad I would try to access it. I’ve never actually attempted suicide but I’ve also never had access to a gun. Right now I’m in a pretty healthy period where I haven’t felt suicidal in a while and the last time I had those thoughts I was able to de-escalate and stay safe, but I know it could get worse in the future.
This roommate knows I’m in counseling and have some kind of mental health struggles going on, but she doesn’t know the worst of it. I’m wondering if the most responsible thing to do on my end would be to tell her that I’ve been suicidal in the past so that she can make EXTRA sure that I will never have access to her gun? Or do you think it would be sufficient to just tell her I’m uncomfortable around guns (which is true, I have no experience with them) and would prefer to never have to see it/have any interaction with it? It’s a pretty sensitive thing for me to talk about and while we are pretty good friends I’ve never felt close enough to her to disclose thing kind of thing. If you had a roommate in my situation, how much would you want/need them to tell you?
CrabtradGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
You need to be very honest with her, but you also need to look into some help for yourself. If you are actually that concerned about it I would suggest you look into treatment or at least talk to a professional.
At the end of the day having a gun present won’t make the difference whether you do it or not. There are a million ways to do it so your fear about this should be taken as a wake up call that you need some help.
Best of luck OP, hope you get better.
synn89GuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Killing yourself with your roommate’s gun may open up a world of mental and legal issues for them. So be very open about your health issues so they can accommodate that.
I personally wouldn’t see this any differently than a roommate saying “I have a peanut allergy. Be careful with them in the house.” We all have our health problems and telling me up front about the ones I need to accommodate is the correct thing to do.
AnnoyedWalrusGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
I *do not* think it would be adequate to merely say that you’re “uncomfortable” around guns, because gun owners hear all too often that someone is “uncomfortable” around guns. Typically it just means that the person has never heard anything about guns besides the media fearmongering and violent movies/games. Usually, when a gun owner hears their friend is “uncomfortable” around guns, it makes them assume that they should educate their friend about safe gun handling and maybe take you to the range to learn and become more comfortable around them.
If your concern is your history of suicidal thoughts, you should probably be direct and open about that issue.
Rubber_DalekGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
100% honest, but honestly it sounds by your post you already knew that. Trust your instinct that telling her is right. At the very least make her promise to ensure you don’t have access to it. Then be proud of yourself for doing a very sane and responsible thing.
Edit: Additionally if she needs a bare bones handgun safe, instruct her to contact me and I’ll pick one up and throw it in the mail, no questions asked. They’re cheap enough and tis the season I guess.
GrilledStuffedDragonGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Be very open with them.
Insist it be kept in a safe out of reach to you.
I mean, I should be *anyway*, but this only reinforces that need. It is very easy to just zip down to Walmart and buy a cheap safe they can keep the gun in, where you cannot access it.
DDPJBLGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Probably better off leveling with her and telling her to make sure that the gun is always locked up when it’s not on her body. If you just tell her you are uncomfortable around guns she might keep it out of sight to be polite but it would also lead her to believe that you are unlikely to try to mess with it when she isn’t looking so she might actually be less careful about denying you access to it. She needs to understand the gravity of the situation and you need to be blunt about it otherwise she will give you the benefit of a doubt because you are friends and she trusts you by default. So don’t sugar-coat it and make sure to actually use the word suicide so she 100% gets the point.
If she doesn’t have a safe yet, she should know now so that when she picks one she gets a model that does not use a physical key you can steal (like one with a code lock or a biometric lock).
Oh and if she asks how is she supposed to have it ready at night, the easiest solution is to lock herself in her bedroom with the gun out in the open rather than buying an extra quick access safe.
jppncGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
1. I want to commend you for being honest enough with yourself to admit that this might be an issue. That takes a surfeit of honesty and bravery.
2. As others have said, you should be 100% honest with your roommate about this scenario. I think another poster’s peanut allergy allegory is very apt.
3. I would offer to purchase your roommate a safe. I think a biometric handgun safe provides the best compromise between quick access (for your roommate) and security (for you). If a biometric safe is outside your means, then I would say get a keypad safe—and if that’s still too expensive, one of the simple key-locking GunVault type strongboxes, with the roommate keeping the key on the keys they use to get in and out of the house (so that it’s never there when the roommate isn’t).
4. If your roommate allows it and *your counselor thinks it’s not potentially harmful*, I’d affix a list of reasons to keep living to the safe, as well the suicide hotline number. *I’m not a mental health professional—I’ve done something similar with foods to help me not compulsively eat them. This suggestion should be reviewed by a mental health professional to make sure that it’s not potentially harmful.*
IjustlookatgunsGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
A family member was suicidal. I hunt and had a carry permit. We lived together. I kept the majority of my collection locked up in a safe, and my CCW piece in my room (if I was home), in my car or in the safe.
They should respect you and your health issues, but you also have to respect them and not prowl through what I’m going to assume is a private bedroom and steal an item worth hundreds of dollars, committing an act with it that will ensure they never get it back. It’s as unfair for you to expect them not to possess a firearm for self defense as it is for them to expect to be able to leave a loaded gun on the kitchen table.
No different than refraining from yanking the persons car keys, stealing their ride and causing a fatal crash with it.
It’s hard with mental health but if your bad enough to consider stealing, call 911.
zSchlachterGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Be open with them and see about looking into a cheap amazon safe to store it in and not letting you have access a 30-50 dollar safe would do the trick to deter most people who dont have the motivation to break it open
ComKrenGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Be honest with her, insist she lock it up and take care of yourself. Best of luck to you, OP
DickVanSprinklesGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
To be honest, regardless of how close you are. The gun needs to be locked up. If she doesn’t want a safe, then she needs a sturdy lock on her door that you don’t have access to. Be honest with her and chip in on the cost of a lock if necessary, but secure the weapon in a way which prohibits you from accessing it.
Bubba-jonesGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Have an honest conversation with your roommate and come to some arrangement that involves not having a gun or having a combination safe that you can’t access.
Or move out. You might not want to have that conversation. I am just an internet stranger and can’t predict the social fallout.
406townsendGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Hi I can some what understand your stand point I’ve had family members who suffer from depression while other family members in the same house have had guns. The main thing is to communicate honestly and open with your friend. Also it helps if your having a rough day to maybe make them aware of that for farther security of the gun. And as always please keep seeking help and remember your life is always worth it and calmer water will prevail god bless and stay safe.
PwnApeGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Keep your hands off other people’s stuff, she isn’t the problem you are.
I hope she keeps it locked up and now she needs a lock on her bedroom door because obviously you don’t respect personal space.
Jiggly_SquibblerGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Lots of people somehow consider guns to be efficient tools for suicide. They are not. Chances are pretty high you will only severely wound yourself and be a cripple the rest of your life.
hearnoweevilGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
So you have mental issues and now someone else has to change to accommodate you? Well that sounds rational Since you don’t know anything about guns it may be difficult for you to use it to harm yourself so don’t worry about it. Or just move into your own place without the temptation, just don’t have any knives,rope, bedsheets,medications,electricity or any of the other things that you can accomplish your demise with.
jeezumsWTFGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
You need to remove yourself from the apartment. Someone else’s rights should not be stepped on because your scared of what you will do…………you are clearly the issue, not your roommate.
slot-floppiesGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
I guess I don’t see how the existence of a gun changes anything. If you seriously wanted to kill yourself wouldn’t it be easier I tie a rope around your neck and kick the stool out than trying to crack a safe.
I mean if you’re gonna do it, you’ll do it either way.
JesusLikesWineGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Yeah, if you think it’s possible, tell her. She can take steps to lock it up or keep it from functioning when she’s not around.
I prefer to never tell anyone I’ve got a gun for this reason. I hide it and don’t talk about it.
Some friends roommate decided to kill himself with a shotgun in their apartment. It fucked everyone up pretty bad when they discovered it. The clean up took days, they had to go to court.
HooodahellGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
If you’re incontinent, why should your roommate wear a diaper?
WestrongthenGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
The gun should be locked safely somewhere when she isn’t carrying it anyway. Just tell her you don’t want to know how to access it.
ChekieBrekieGuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am
Easy, don’t point the gun at yourself like an idiot and you’ll be gucci
[deleted]GuestDecember 18, 2019 at 2:39 am